The Negative Spiral
Reframing your perspective.
Fifty minutes of this intense game were played, the score was 2:1 for us and we desperately needed to keep the lead and win this one.
In this game Oliver, a former teammate of mine was benched for the last 10 minutes of the game. He didn’t know why he was sat, what he did wrong, or what he should have done differently to avoid that. All he knew was that others on the team played worse and they got to play the full game. He felt mistreated and angry at the coach.
We ended up winning and the mood in the locker room was good. We were smiling, laughing, and just enjoying the victory. Everyone but Oliver. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
The rest of us knew why he was in a hurry, yet we felt like the victory should be above the individual’s player performance. Some guys started chirping him for being selfish – making the situation worse. Furious, Oliver stormed out of the room.
Years before, Oliver was rated as a highly talented player with a bright future in hockey until the previous season where he had a new coach. This new coach focused on other player’s development, as he didn’t have to worry about Oliver – he was by far the best on the team anyways.
Little by little, Oliver felt that he was not appreciated and lost motivation, his performance declining rapidly. Only then, the coach started caring about him, giving him feedback, and supported his development as he did with the others. However, it was too late. Oliver was not having it anymore, he was easily irritated and when spoken to, everything was bad.
Being benched and chirped by the boys, made matters worse and tipped Oliver off to a point of no return – he quit.
What would you have done in Oliver’s situation? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation where you felt unappreciated, irritated, unmotivated, and angry?
It’s like wearing yellow-tinted glasses. When putting these glasses on, you see the world with a yellow tint. Over time, you keep seeing the world through those yellow-tinted glasses and start believing that the world has a yellow gaze to it.
“We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.” – Talmud
When you find yourself in a situation where circumstances are not going your way, instead of going down that negative spiral, there are some questions that you can ask yourself to change your perspective.
- What is my goal?
- What are the priorities to achieve this goal?
- What if I tell them that I feel unappreciated?
- What kind of person/teammate do I want to be?
- What could I do to help others become better?
By asking questions like this, you can take control of what you can control. You take charge of who you want to be, and where you want to go. Such experiences empower and energize you as you take control of how you want to deal with the situation and decide how it affects you.
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